MFX Ramblings, More Than A-Peeling

Strange Things Are Happening To Me

A couple of strange things have happened to me in the last week or so.

As I write this, we’re just over a week removed from the 2015 General Election. It’s been a surprising time in the Peel household. I’ve found myself agreeing with two people I never thought I would – my parents. Just kidding…

The two people in question are Paddy Ashdown and David Cameron.

I don’t know whether to be scared, or to finally admit that I’ve grown up and become more mature. Nah, fuck that. It can’t be that. Can it?

Before last year’s Independence Referendum, I’d never voted in my life. I’d never felt compelled to. But I HAD to make my voice heard, and you know what? I was over the fucking moon when Scotland – as a MAJORITY I might add – turned around and effectively said “you can shove your independence up your arse”, we’re in this (with the UK) for the long haul.

I’m not ashamed to admit that I was a member of the No group. Hell, I even spent time finding the relevant information in order to make an informed decision. Imagine that? Taking the time to make a well-informed judgement before an election?

The way I saw it, it was the job of the Yes campaign to make me vote yes. It was THEIR job to convince me that independence was best for my country, whereas it wasn’t the No campaign’s.

The SNP (and the Yes campaign)’s rhetoric around the referendum was basically “the English bully us” or “we want Scottish passports”, “we want to be on our own, but we’ll keep the pound”, etc etc. All compelling reasons in their own right huh? I think not. It was like a 4-year old kid throwing a tantrum because they don’t get what they think they’re owed.

None of the reasons put forward by the uneducated masses were convincing enough for me to GAMBLE – not risk, but GAMBLE – my future, or the future of my great country.

The referendum also brought up this nasty, aggressive side in some people – mainly those who bought into Alex Salmond’s Braveheart political bullshit. His entire campaign played into people’s patriotism, instead of trying to have a well-informed debate about the best way to govern and run an independent Scotland.

For a while, it looked as if he’d get his way. It seemed as though Scotland would become an independent nation. If you even dared to publicly HINT that you were voting no, you were immediately pegged as “a fucking Tory bastard”, someone that hated Scotland, someone who’d bought into the “fear” that the No campaign were peddling.

Even when Scotland voted No, the Yes campaign wouldn’t let it go. The “45%” went on the rampage, fuelling a dangerous, nasty side in people that probably hadn’t been seen in politics for a generation or more.

When I watched Question Time on Friday May 8th, imagine my surprise when a former leader of the Lib Dems expressed the same concerns. Good ol’ Paddy Pantsdown (or Paddy Ashdown if you prefer).

Paddy essentially said that there is a dangerous form of political “unrest” growing north of the border, terming it “destructive nationalism”.

That’s PRECISELY the situation we have here in Scotland now. It’s been bubbling under the surface since Salmond and Sturgeon started shit-peddling their own wee wet dream of an independence referendum almost four years ago.

If anything, all they’ve served to do is show that in the last four years they’ve been in charge, they’ve been distracted from running the country because they were off trying to get the unwashed masses to get their kilts on, paint saltires on their faces, march on Westminster shouting “FREEEEEEDOOOOMMMMMMM!!, and then baring their arses for all and sundry to see, instead of doing their fucking job and convincing us in the right way that Scotland should be independent.

That’s why I was fucking delighted that, on 18 September 2014, the MAJORITY – and I say that again, MAJORITY – of Scotland voted AGAINST independence. Fuck Alex Salmond. I’ve got a picture of his crying wee face on my wall, just to make me laugh when I’ve had a hard day.

We have to be very…fucking…careful in Scotland over the next few years. The UK is just making it’s way out of a serious, serious financial crisis and we’re still a part of it.

In the last week or so, Nicola Sturgeon (yes, we’re now apparently the land of the fish people where they just take over our political landscape) has said that David Cameron has quote “no right” to tell Scotland that they can’t have another referendum.

He has more of a say than you think Nicky. Mainly because he’s the British Prime Minister. And we’re STILL PART OF THE UNITED KINGDOM you ignorant cunt.

You – the SNP – wanted a referendum, and you got one. And you lost. Decisively in the end. If the SNP had won, would they have given the others “another shot”? FUCK NO.

It reminds me of playing computer games when you were a kid. Remember when you were getting beat, and you just switched your SNES/Mega Drive off, and started again? That’s what Sturgeon’s doing, except this time, with the future of this glorious, wonderful country in the palm of her gills.

Scotland, I know you’ll do the right thing. Just please, make an informed decision. Don’t be fooled into going down the SNP – the Separation Now Party – route. For now, we need economic stability, then growth. And we can’t have that on our own. We just can’t. At least not right now.

However, don’t mistake this as me just ranting about the fish people and their misunderstood, ill thought out political ideologies. Brace yourselves. I’m about to give credit where credit is due.

The Separation Now Party’s popularity has only increased since the independence referendum, and I’ve got a theory about why.

The main reason why people in the UK have become so disenchanted with politics in general is because politicians don’t seem like real people. When you’ve got multi-millionaires running the country telling us that “we’re all in this together”, it’s a bit galling to say the least.

What do Cameron, Clegg, Miliband, Farage et al know about hard times. You know who does know about hard times? Dusty motherfucking Rhodes, that’s who!

Seriously though, it’s disingenuous for pricks like the four politicians I’ve just mentioned to even compare themselves to the common man, workin’ hard for the man. Fuck me. It appears we’ve wandered head-first down an ‘Mecan Dream theme song! Jesus…

When there are families who are too skint to buy food and have to use food-banks, or millions of kids living in poverty, what do Labour, the Lib Dems and the Tories know about austerity? It’s a political buzzword to them, but to others, it’s the real deal and it’s impacting their lives in a massive way.

The SNP struck gold because their politicians don’t feel like politicians (if that makes sense). They’re relatable. They seem like they could live on the same street as you. Use the same public services as you. They look “normal”, and don’t arouse your suspicion like the other politicians do. They don’t feel detached. And they’ve played their card to absolute perfection, ably aided by the hapless Cameron and Miliband.

Especially Ed. Poor Ed. All his scaremongering about “not doing a deal with the Scottish Nationalists” if he needed to has created a particularly anti-Scottish resentment amongst some parts of the English population, and played right into the SNP’s hands.

You could see it in the audience of the aforementioned Question Time audience last week. People were practically frothing at the mouth because an SNP representative was on the panel. Heaven forbid that the third largest party in the Commons would be represented on a political debate show.

Miliband’s ignorance – for want of a better phrase – and sheer stupidity is what cost him the election. Virtually anyone other than Miliband would’ve won the General Election for Labour.

His fear of the SNP – not to mention his insistance that Labour “didn’t overspend” during their last term in government – ensured that Labour were essentially wiped out north of the border. Between that and the general malaise around Scottish Labour, I’m actually amazed that SNP didn’t win all 59 seats.

Now, I’ve mentioned our esteemed leader in passing, but he’s also the second politician I’ve agreed with in recent weeks – of course, we’re talking about Ravin’ Davie Cameron.

Let’s get things straight before we start about Davie.

I’m from a working-class family, with working-class roots. You’d figure that I’d be a shoe-in as a lifelong, hardcore Labour voter right? Not so much.

It annoys Peel Snr that I have the ability to make my own mind up, without blindly agreeing with whatever he thinks. Except when it comes to football. It’s cos of him that I’m a Dundee fan. Swings and roundabouts eh?

I mentioned earlier that the independence referendum was the first time I’d ever voted in my life because I wasn’t engaged in the political landscape. It stands to reason then that the 2015 General Election was the first General Election where my vote would be cast.

It was an even playing field between Red, Blue and Yellow before it all kicked off. I agree with Labour’s ideologies. I agree with the fiscal plans of the Conservatives. I’m DYING for the SNP to give me an ACTUAL reason to vote for them, other than the fact that most of their politicians – disregarding the fish people – seem like quite sound cunts.

Then, we got to the business end of the election – the leaders debates. I’m not talking about the no-frills versions without the big parties. I’m talking the ones on Sky and the BBC.

One man stood out to me as having a clear plan for the United Kingdom over the next five years. He convinced me to buy into him, his party, his plans, his ideology and his manifesto. That man was David Cameron.

In all my life, I did the one thing I thought I’d never do as an adult – vote Conservative. The weird thing is that it didn’t actually feel wrong to do it.

Cameron and Cleggo have spent the last five years trying to clear up what happened under the watchful cyclops eye of Gordon Brown – a man with the raw charm of a child molester – as well as the rest of his dunderheid’s – Ed Balls and Ed Miliband. Gordon and the two Eds didn’t cause the financial crisis on their own, but it happened under their watch, with Balls and Miliband being advisors (at the very least) to Broony.

Anyone who’d won the election in 2010 would’ve had to do the same – make swift, harsh cuts and raise taxes to try to get us out of one hell of a fucking mess. You can’t judge him on the last five years. Some of it, yes, but not all of it.

It seems that the country is on the right track at the moment. While we’re not out of the shit by any stretch of the imagination, we’re on the way. Now that Cameron’s got five years to run the country as he sees fit, we’ll have plenty of time to judge whether he’s done a good or bad job. Only time will tell as far as that’s concerned.

The one thing that swung me was actually something that Trumps said on a recent episode of MFX. The uncertainty of Labour, and what plans they’d implement, made me vote Conservative.

Like it or not, the Tories have spent the last five years trying to get our collective finances back on track. Yes it’s been hard. Yes it’s been tough and there’s been some decisions that have upset different people at different times. But they were decisions that had to be made.

They had started a job, and I for one believed that they deserved the chance to finish what they’d started. When the next General Election comes around, we’ll see whether the crumpet-loving posh-boy has fucked it all up. And if he has, then the great British public will let him know. We’ve never been shy about that.

It would’ve taken longer than 18-24 months for Labour’s plans to have any kind of effect and that’s just too long to wait. Let’s see how things pan out with the Tories, and what impact their solo reign has on our lives over the next five years.

Simply put, I trusted one posh boy over another. But it wasn’t just that. I chose someone who I probably have very little in common with to run my country, because he convinced me to.

He looked, and acted, like a statesman during the debates, whereas Ed Miliband made me wonder whether he’d escaped from a home for the day. A man who couldn’t successfully run a bath, never mind one of the biggest powers in the world. Seriously. Imagine him meeting up with big Barry Obama. Enjoy that image folks, that one’s for free.

The fact that a fiercely patriotic Scotsman has agreed with two sides of a political spectrum that he probably “shouldn’t” have, should be an indication of what a fucking political minefield we have in this country right now.

I’ve agreed with the Tories and Lib Dems in recent weeks, and part of me is fucking terrified by that. Someone hold me. Please? Or send help. And Jack Daniels. Actually, just send Jack Daniels…

Keep supporting everyone on the site, from Duckman and Sir Ian, to the other guys who ramble for your reading pleasure.

Later you fucking savages…

  • Michael Brown

    It’s like MFX is becoming a refuge for Scottish Tories or something…